WARNING: Satire May Cause Irritable Bowel Syndrome
President Obama has again surprised me with his recent nomination of Elena Kagan to be on the Supreme Court of the United States. On one hand, we have the highest court in the land, the “Supreme Court” where experienced and distinguished judges are the final arbiters of the legality of complex issues as they relate to our Constitution. On the other hand, we have a nominee who could sit on the court for the next 50 years about to take the hot seat in a confirmation hearing.
I am reminded of a situation I observed on TV recently, where in a baseball game when the home team, after giving up several runs decided to change out their beaten up pitcher for a relief pitcher. Unknown to everyone but a few was that the relief pitcher was Will Ferrell, comedian and actor who played race car driver Ricky Bobby of “Help me baby Jesus” fame.
Ferrell does the traditional walk into the mound and takes some warm up pitches and then on his first “official” pitch in the game, throws the ball behind the batter. After some stare downs and some posturing, Ferrell charges the batter and starts a mock fight, including a sissy looking attempt to throw his glove at the batter. Ferrell even attempts to throw beer at the batter from a can hidden under a towel on the mound. The bit turned out to be very entertaining and was actually done to raise funds for a Cancer Charity. It was a joke.
I immediately saw the parallel between someone being in a baseball game where they really did not deserve to be and someone sitting on the Supreme Court where they really did not deserve to be. Don’t get me wrong, the Elena Kagan story is uplifting and noble. I like her just because she is not the typical image that comes to mind when you think of a Supreme Court Justice. She has a nice smile. She is an ordinary looking not especially attractive human being like most of us. She looks eccentric. I like eccentric. She has a distinguished resume and has done almost everything required except for having been a judge. The title of Dean of Harvard Law School is an impressive one. Having been the Solicitor General of the United States is also impressive, but she has never been a judge.
I liken her being the on the Supreme Court of the United States for the next 50 years to bringing in Will Ferrell in to pitch in the World Series. How is it possible that someone with no experience as a major league pitcher can end up on the Supreme Court? How do we know that she can pitch? How do we know that she even understands the rules of the game, or what the strike zone is? How is this pitcher going to get along with the rest of the pitching staff who have honed their craft by playing in various “lower” leagues to get to the “big game”? How dare the coach put in a pitcher who has never pitched in a game in her life, not even little league? What, does he expect her to suddenly develop a 100 mile per hour fast ball or a devastating curve ball? We don’t even know if she is a lefty or a righty. What is her ERA?
Tell me it is a joke! Tell me that at any minute, Will Ferrell will emerge from his Elena Kagan disguise and bring us all to our knees belly laughing! Tell me it isn’t so! Tell me it isn’t so! Auntie Emm! Auntie Emm! I don’t think I am in Kansas anymore, but I do hear the “fat” lady singing. Oh my! Oh my!
Copyright © 2010 Rick Coplin